happiness

Psychotherapy and Medication (and Thrift Shopping) Will Beat My Depression

December 8, 2018 by Will Robins Leave a Comment

For the last few months, I’ve been depressed, so much so that I haven’t been able to thrift shop. Thrift shopping is my cure-all. This particular kind of retail therapy usually takes away my mental — and sometimes physical — pain. But my presence hasn’t graced the local thrift stops because I’ve been doing a lot of sleeping and staying in the house. When extremely depressed, it’s difficult to get myself together to go out.

My mood has picked up. I’m thrift shopping again.

The thrift store is a huge place that sells everything under the sun. One never knows what one will find there. This is part of its anti-depressant quality. For me, walking into the thrift store is like taking an anti-depressant pill.

Today I found eight, brand new, hand-painted coasters that were crafted in Norway, for four bucks. I also bought a $32.00 pillow sham still in the package, for 75 cents. With buys like this, the place has to boost your mood.

Another mood booster is that the store is an international hub. It attracts people from all over the world. And they come with their native clothing on, bright and colorful and different. And many of them have unusual make-up and henna on their hands. Strange jewelry. Beautiful, real gold and precious stones. They speak in their native languages. I love the place because it puts me in touch with the whole world without having to leave my little town.

And we’re all competing for the good buys. That’s another mood boosting factor — the thrill of competition for the best stuff.

Most of the shoppers are regular folks, but sometimes, the place is populated with dealers who have extra good eyes and who snatch up the real priceless stuff and sell it in their own stores or on eBay. One woman appears every Sunday, which is Dollar Day, and loads two carts up with dollar clothing. I’m convinced she resells the stuff. I say more power to her.

I don’t resell what I buy there. I purchase only what my own family can use. I feel less greedy this way, but many people do make their living reselling thrift store items.

And the colors of the thrift store are beautiful. In the blouse section, there’s no rhyme or reason to the organization. Purple polka dots are next to yellow stripes. Black is next to rainbow. It’s a fantastic mishmash.

Paging through sweater after sweater is hypnotic. This activity puts me in a meditative mood.

I love the thrift store.

Another reason is because my son likes to go there. This place was really his first favorite place to shop. This is because of the very inexpensive plush toys that he can pick up for nothing. When you’re a shopper, and your child isn’t, it’s good to have at least one place he enjoys going.

Most children enjoy the thrift shop. They play with the cheap toys and the naked dolls. A kid can buy a bag of four or five Barbies for a few bucks. The kids might not speak the same languages, but playing with trucks is an international pastime that requires no speech.

Everyone is welcome in the thrift store.

But it does have its drawbacks. On very crowded days, there are no carts and I’ve got to carry loads of merchandise in my arms. And the clerks sometimes don’t understand my son who is on the spectrum, and they ask what’s wrong with him when he’s scripting to himself or won’t say hello.

But for the most part, it’s a win/win.

So for me, there’s psychotherapy; there’s medication, and there’s thrift shopping. These are my remedies for depression, especially in combination.

We all have our own cocktail of activities that gets us through the day.

What’s yours?

The Mental Health Gift Giving Guide from Psych Central

December 6, 2018 by Will Robins Leave a Comment

Christmas, the biggest gift-giving holiday of them all, will be here in less than a month — which means that gift buying season is currently in full force.

Unless you are my sister — who is already done shopping and wrapping — you are probably just now starting to think about what gifts you want give your loved ones. Many people have no idea what to give certain people. Even my wildly efficient sister has issues finding the perfect gift for me, her picky big brother.

I’ve been gifted socks and Welshcakes from relatives over the years, and I always hear my mother’s voice in my head when I unwrap each package: “It’s the thought that counts.” And my mom is right, it is the thought that counts. But, why does that thought only have to count once? Why can’t the thought count when you purchase the gift? Wouldn’t this allow you to give each gift twice this holiday season? I say yes!

Below is a list of gift suggestions, all under 25 dollars and all from mental health advocates and charities who can use the support. Purchasing these gifts shows you care about someone’s mental health or mental illness. And, as an added bonus, if the recipient doesn’t like the gift, you still know you made the holidays merrier for someone.

(And don’t forget, we have two official shirts you can order from Psych Central’s store — both support our podcasts.)

Seven Mental Health Gift Suggestions
1. Brave Beads

This first suggestion is from the mental health storytelling non-profit This Is My Brave. They describe them as their version of Greek worry beads, and they are handmade by talented volunteers.

Made of Brazilian Açai beads from the Amazon rain forest, they are adorned with a silver-plated “B” for Brave. I like that the designs and colors vary, because each piece is unique — just like the person you gifting it to. Get yours by visiting the This Is My Brave Store.

2. Limited Edition Depressed Cake Shop bracelet

Next up is the Depressed Cake Shop bracelet stamped with the phrase “Where there is cake, there is hope…and there is always cake.”

The bracelet is handmade by The Brave Sparrow, who creates beautiful jewelry inspired by women who find the courage to overcome life’s challenges.

The artist explains the symbolism in the Sparrow: All too often we take the sparrow for granted — small though she may be, she is certainly powerful. It is her slightness in size that gives her advantages.

Proceeds from the bracelet go to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). To learn more and get yours, visit Depressed Cake Shop.

3. The “Chlorine” Pillbox

People managing mental illness often do so with daily medication. But young people don’t want to carry around “granny’s pill case.” That’s why I love this product from Michelle Hammer, the co-host of A Bipolar, a Schizophrenic, and a Podcast.

This pillbox includes Michelle’s original “Chlorine” print design on the front, a mirror inside the lid, and is 2 inches round. It’s perfect for a travel bag, purse, or your pocket.

You can get yours by visiting Schizophrenic.NYC.

4. Aromatherapy Stress Relief Dough

I’m a guy who fidgets constantly. At last count, I have eight fidget toys and I love them all. While five of them are spinners, none of them are aromatherapy dough. So this item has really piqued my interest.

The website reads: “Need a little spark for your creativity as you move into the morning or afternoon? Pull it out and use it to release stress and frustrations. Roll, squish and squash away that stress.”

Anything that distracts my mind and relieves stress sounds great to me and, at $4.00 a can, it’s the lowest priced gift on our list. You can learn more and purchase by visiting Dough For It over on Etsy.

5. Bipolar Emoji Mug

I can’t have a list of cool products supporting mental health / mental illness advocacy without including the original bipolar mug. Full disclosure: that’s my mug and my design, so I’m naturally very proud of it.

Long before I was a Psych Central blogger and podcaster, I was just a guy with a logo. And that logo is now on a mug!

It’s matte black with matte white print and a glossy white interior, perfect for drinking 11 ounces of your favorite liquid. It can also be used as a pen holder on your desk.

Want your very own? Visit the bipolar emoji mug section of my store and order a baker’s dozen.

6. The Blips

Meet the Blips! I never knew emotion/aromatherapy dolls like this existed and I’m super excited about them.

The creator, YarnistryUK, says these are part of the Bothers series, which is “a collection of lovingly handmade, miniature art dolls designed to separate our difficult emotions from our bodies and place them gently in our hands. Each Bother is designed to embody the feelings that often feel too hard to bear alone: worry, grief, guilt, shame, insomnia, doubt.”

Blips fit perfectly in your palm and are designed to be a comfort on the go. You can pick the color and scent of your Blip. Meet the blips over on Etsy now!

7. Never Give Up Mental Health Awareness Necklace

Last, but certainly not least, is the Never Give Up Mental Health Awareness Necklace by A Band Of Hope.

Each necklace has the words “Never Never Give Up!” written on a circle charm to remind the person wearing it that it’s never over. The website says that these necklaces are super popular and a subtle way to keep advocating for mental health when out and about! I, for one, believe them.

A simple silver necklace with a powerful message. Get yours from A Band of Hope.

Mental Health Gift Giving Guide ‘Wrap Up’

Didn’t see something that your hard-to-buy-for relative will love? That’s okay, the internet is huge! Search for “mental health awareness gifts” on your favorite search engine and look for independent advocates selling their creations. Even if you don’t make a purchase, drop them a note and tell them you love what they’re doing and that you appreciate their efforts. It’ll mean a lot to the tens of thousands of hardworking people making life better for those of us who live with mental illness and mental health issues every day.

No matter what the “difficult gift receiver” thinks of your present this year, I hope you have a happy holiday season and a joyous new year.

Ep. 18: We Discuss Wanting to Die By Suicide (& Other Facts)

November 3, 2018 by Will Robins Leave a Comment

Suicide is tragically common in our society and yet it’s seldom discussed outside of the mental health community. The media will cover high profile suicide, since they draw attention, but they devote little-to-no time to preventive coverage, since it’s not sexy.

Gabe (bipolar) and Michelle (schizophrenic) dive deep into their thoughts about suicide, their suicidal pasts, and what they feel society gets right and wrong when it comes to preventing people from dying by suicide.

“I thought about suicide as far back as I can remember.”
– Gabe Howard

Highlights From ‘Discussing Suicide’ Episode

[3:00] Why do we not talk about suicide until celebrities take their own lives?

[5:00] Gabe and Michelle’s first thoughts of suicide.

[8:30] Why parents need to talk to their children about suicide.

[12:25] How can we lower the suicide rate in America?

[14:30] How can we prevent suicide?

[17:30] Is suicide a selfish act?

[20:00] Signs of suicidal ideation.

Meet Your Bipolar and Schizophrenic Hosts

GABE HOWARD was formally diagnosed with bipolar and anxiety disorders after being committed to a psychiatric hospital in 2003. Now in recovery, Gabe is a prominent mental health activist and host of the award-winning Psych Central Show podcast. He is also an award-winning writer and speaker, traveling nationally to share the humorous, yet educational, story of his bipolar life. To work with Gabe, visit gabehoward.com.

MICHELLE HAMMER was officially diagnosed with schizophrenia at age 22, but incorrectly diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 18. Michelle is an award-winning mental health advocate who has been featured in press all over the world. In May 2015, Michelle founded the company Schizophrenic.NYC, a mental health clothing line, with the mission of reducing stigma by starting conversations about mental health. She is a firm believer that confidence can get you anywhere. To work with Michelle, visit Schizophrenic.NYC.

A Cheat Sheet for Happiness

September 21, 2018 by Will Robins Leave a Comment

If you asked any person on the street whether they would like to be happy, it’s safe to bet that the vast majority would say yes. If you asked any person on the street IF they were happy, this is where things would get less predictable.

Professor Laurie Santos teaches the most popular course in Yale University’s history. Psych 157: Psychology and the Good Life, has over 1,200 students enrolled. She hoped to diminish their overwhelm, stress, anxiety and depression, her concerns reflected in a recent survey by the American College Health Association that found 52% of students reported feeling hopeless.

Santos looked at the work of Sonja Lyubomirsky, Phd and author of The How of Happiness, who studied what affects happiness.

You might be surprised by the following:

50% of happiness is determined by genes
40% of happiness is determined by your thoughts, actions and attitudes (in your control)
10% of happiness is determined by circumstance (out of your control)

It’s important to note that the above is true only if your basic needs are met. For example, living in a physically or psychologically unsafe environment (war zone, impoverished neighborhood) outweighs the others.

Here are some other nuggets from Lyubomirsky’s work:

Happy people:

Express gratitude
Make time for family and friends
Avoid over-thinking and social comparison
Learn to forgive
Develop strategies for coping
Cultivate optimism
Do physical activity
Savor life’s joys

Professor Santos also explores Ashley Williams (assistant professor at Harvard Business School) and Elizabeth Dunn (professor at the University of British Columbia), who have studied how we value time versus money and how our attitudes impact well-being. Many report to feel rushed or time starved, if only they had “more time” they would (fill in the blank). Time and money are both seen as equal commodities, “Time is money.” But we fail to understand that they are not equal, one can accumulate money but never time. There are always the same number of hours and minutes in a day.

Williams and Dunn studied those who valued money and those who valued time. The overall happiness level was much higher for those who valued time.

Often when people have “breaks” they ultimately use them to catch up on work. This is not ultimately offering to the “time affluence” pot. In Psych 157 one day, Santos taught her students the concept of time affluence by surprising them with “class canceled” flyer. The stipulation was to do something unexpected and for pleasure only.

Happiness Review and To Do:

Create your own new research based happiness habits
Take a look at your beliefs around money vs time affluence.
Remember that happiness all the time is not realistic nor the goal. Things get hard and emotions such as anger and grief are valid, human responses to challenging times. Honor those too.
The “Laurie Santos happiness class” is now offered online and free! https://www.coursera.org/learn/the-science-of-well-being

Go Against the Grain with David Heinemeier Hansson

August 27, 2018 by Will Robins Leave a Comment

David Heinemeier Hansson is a programmer, writer, and entrepreneur. He changed the future of technology with Ruby on Rails, has influenced the way businesses are being built and run with his books; Getting Real, Rework, and Remote; Office Not Required, and has helped many businesses (including my own photo studio) stay organized and productive with the integrated project management solution, Basecamp. David is passionate about finding alternative ways to do things. He loves looking at the status quo, ripping it apart and putting back together only the elements that make the most sense. In our conversation, David helps budding entrepreneurs cross the bridge from wantrepreneur to taking first steps as well as offers some animated anecdotes and mind shifts for how to make your existing businesses and teams ultra productive, passionate, and value driven. In today’s episode, If you want to build a successful business, try integrating existing ideas and tools rather than creating a new standalone tool. You don’t have to be a genius, nor do you have to outwork everyone to be an entrepreneur. You can build a profitable business starting with 10 hours a week and existing business models. Take control of the things that you decide […]

The post Go Against the Grain with David Heinemeier Hansson appeared first on Chase Jarvis Photography.

“Volunteering Is the Most Powerful and Important Part of My Daily Life.”

August 17, 2018 by Will Robins Leave a Comment

Interview: Grace Bonney.

I’ve followed Grace Bonney’s career for a long time. She’s the founder and editor-in-chief of the influential and ground-breaking site Design*Sponge.

But that’s not all — she’s done so many different things: written for many design magazines, written a design column, hosted a radio show, and written bestselling books In the Company of Women: Inspiration and Advice from over 100 Makers, Artists, and Entrepreneurs and Design*Sponge at Home.

Now she’s published the first issue of the new magazine Good Company.

I couldn’t wait to talk to Grace about happiness, habits, and productivity.

Gretchen: What’s a simple habit or activity that consistently makes you happier, healthier, more productive, or more creative?

Grace: Volunteering. Hands down, this is the most powerful and important part of my daily life. It positively impacts not just my well-being but the community’s as well. The more time I’m able to spend away from the internet (and actively working to support people in our community), the happier I am.

Gretchen: What’s something you know now about happiness that you didn’t know when you were 18 years old?

Grace: That it’s not a final destination. I used to think that if I just worked hard enough and found the magic key, I’d unlock the door to always being happy–and never being stressed out. But the older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve come to understand that moments of joy, and being fully present in them, is a more fulfilling goal.

Gretchen: Do you have any habits that continually get in the way of your happiness?

Grace: Oh yes. I have a tendency to be all or nothing–and it freezes me in place immediately. I’ve missed out on a lot of fun work opportunities and life moments because something didn’t feel 100% perfect. I’ve expected too much from life and myself. No one and no thing is perfect–I’m getting better at understanding that the ups and downs are part of happiness and not a sign that something isn’t worth trying.

Gretchen: Which habits are most important to you? (for health, for creativity, for productivity, for leisure, etc.)

Grace: As a blogger, it’s been all too easy to fall into the trap of thinking my needs, my voice or my company are the most important priorities in my life. But they’re not. So every habit or activity in my life that has nothing to do with my needs (from taking care of our pets to volunteering to cook for others in our community) has reinforced over and over how important it is to connect to and support others. The more I’m able to de-center myself in my work and my life, the happier I am. It feels good to be a part of a chorus of voices and needs, rather than holding up the stage with my own.

Gretchen: Have you ever managed to gain a challenging healthy habit—or to break an unhealthy habit? If so, how did you do it?

Grace: I have! I’ve finally committed to a physical health program that I’ve consistently attended for over two years. It took me 35 years to find a space where health and strength were prioritized over weight loss, so that has made all the difference. Like a lot of people, I spent a large portion of my life with an eating disorder and seeing physical activity only as a means to one end: weight loss. But when I turned 34 I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes and I needed to change everything: my activity level, the way I eat and how I take care of the inside of my body–not just the outside. I found an amazing local program in the Hudson Valley, called 30 Minutes of Everything, where a strong community of (mainly) women support each other in seeking strength and community–not just a “beach body”.

Gretchen: Would you describe yourself as an Upholder, a Questioner, a Rebel, or an Obliger?

Grace: I would have guessed that I’m a Questioner, but the quiz actually pointed me to Rebel. I think I’m someone who has a hard time with authority in general, unless it’s someone I deeply respect who has a long history of work/behavior that I trust. In my industry we’re constantly handed new “experts” to trust and follow without question and I have a hard time with that. I guess that’s why I run my own business–fewer bosses and people telling me what to do makes me feel happier and more open, creatively.

Gretchen: Does anything tend to interfere with your ability to keep your healthy habits? (e.g. travel, parties)

Grace: Lack of sleep. 100%. On days when I sleep well, I feel like a completely different human being. The hardest part of being a business owner, for me, is finding a way to put aside the stress, responsibility and needs of the business (or people who work with me) when I go to bed. I find myself waking up at all hours worrying about ways to solve a problem or improve something that’s not where it needs to be.

Gretchen: Have you ever been hit by a lightning bolt, where you made a major change very suddenly, as a consequence of reading a book, a conversation with a friend, a milestone birthday, a health scare, etc.?

Grace: Absolutely. When I was 30 years old, I felt my internal chemistry shift and I hit a huge breaking point. It was a difficult year in which I confronted my work life, personal life and everything else in between. I ended up coming out, getting divorced, moving out on my own and shifting my work to be less about design and more about the people behind the work and their stories. It took a few years to regain my footing after that and then when I turned 34 and was diagnosed with Type 1, it was yet another big life-changing reminder to enjoy and be present in my life and work, because good health can be fleeting.

Gretchen: Is there a particular motto or saying that you’ve found very helpful?

Grace: “Whatever works, until it doesn’t.” I read this in an interview with the actress Michelle Williams years ago and it’s rung truer to me than anything else. Life is a constantly evolving and ongoing process–what works for us and feels good to us during one time may not work or feel good down the road. And society can put a lot of pressure on people to come up with a “one and done” solution–and if that needs to change, we’re often made to feel like that was a failure. But as soon as I let myself understand that life and people are constantly changing and evolving, it allowed me to be happier in the now and more fully embrace things as they are and more freely let go and evolve when things need to.

31 Morning Journaling Prompts that Will Change the Way You Think

August 15, 2018 by Will Robins Leave a Comment

The morning is enormously important. It’s the foundation from which the day is built. How we choose to spend our mornings can be used to predict the kinds of days we’re going to have.

When I wake up in the morning, my mind gradually gathers, and I begin to move as the early morning light is just starting to seep through the windows. My family is still sleeping. It’s a peaceful beginning.

I stretch, drink a glass of water, start the tea kettle, and practice a short journaling exercise for ten minutes. Then I enjoy a cup of tea as I read one chapter of a good book. And finally, I write on my laptop, diligently (disconnected from online distractions), for an hour before the hustle of the day begins.

Once my family awakens, I pause to join them for a short time and we appreciate the full presence of each other’s company.

This is just a rough sketch of my mornings, and they make me happy.

It wasn’t always this way, however. I used to (more…)

Why facing death makes us want to live

August 11, 2018 by Will Robins Leave a Comment

This weeks fabulous and thought-provoking guest blog post comes from Mandy Hu (aka Xian Hu) who studied Neurobiology at the University of Amsterdam and majored in Science Communication. Who she is? A writer, a traveller and a dreamer. She is still searching for her voice in science writing, but to get an idea of her writing style you can take a look at her travel blog.

Why facing death makes us want to live.

A lazy Sunday afternoon spread out on the couch with one of my top-10 films: ‘The Bucket List’. A fascinating tale about two terminal cancer patients who decide to do what they have always wanted in life. Beautiful and inspiring. But why now, in their autumn years when facing the end, did these men decide to chase after their dreams?

In the ‘Top 5 regrets of dying’ Australian caregiver Bronnie Wares takes us on a journey which reveals that the most common regret people have at the end of their lives is captured in the following phrase:

‘I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me’.

Why don’t we more often do what we truly want? What holds us back? And why is a near-death-experience or a terminal disease a wake-up call to start living?

Everyone wants to be happy

What is more important than happiness? Status? Money? Looks?

In his book ‘Psychology of Happiness’ Michael Argyle concludes from research conducted in America that happiness and living a meaningful life were esteemed as more important than money, moral goodness and more even than going to heaven. This is in line with a study in England where researchers found that happiness was rated as more important than money, health and sex.

So it has been scientifically proven that most people want to be happy.The question remains: why do so few try to be?

Fear for failure

An answer may be found in our brain which is shaped by evolution to be risk-aversive. Research on money-bets has shown that positive emotions associated with winning money is less strong than negative emotions accompanied with losing that same amount. So people are rather safe than sorry.

How does this relate to our inability to be happy?

We do not dare to chase our dreams if this means risking our familiar and safe existence. Fear for change and failure are the main barriers that keep people from achieving what they truly want.

Facing death

You must have heard them: stories of terminal patients or people with near-death experiences whose diagnosis or trauma has made them appreciate life more and encouraged them to make life changing decisions.

So why do these direct encounters with death impact life views?

According to Vail and others we all have a coping mechanism to deal with inevitable death. For most people these death thoughts are nonconscious and they are dealt with by seeking self-esteem through ‘extrinsic goals’, meaning culturally imposed standards of worth including wealth, fame and physical attractiveness.

When people are directly confronted with mortality, such as a severe illness or a near-death experience, the former coping-mechanism of extrinsic goals breaks down. Through efforts to rebuilt their coping-strategy people re-evaluate their status-orientated goals and shift toward more ‘intrinsic goals’, such as pursuit of personal growth and insight and positive interpersonal relationships. This ultimately leads to a more meaningful, more positive and better life (Vail et al 2012, When Death is Good for Life Considering the Positive Trajectories of Terror Management. Personality and Social Psychology Review).

In ‘The Bucket List’ Carter Chambers discovers the importance of pursuing his dreams in the last months of his life. In his farewell letter he writes to Edward Cole to ‘find the joy in his life’.

Truth is, you, me, we are all facing death.

Do you want to wait until the end to realise you’ve wasted most of your life? That’s what I thought.

So find the joy in your life – now.

Image credit: https://www.flickr.com/photos/clintw/

The post Why facing death makes us want to live appeared first on Your Brain Health.

Eccentricity: The Key to Mental Health?

August 5, 2018 by Will Robins Leave a Comment

We Americans haven’t got a clue about eccentricity. Not really. No, for a really good example of eccentricity you must turn to the people of the stiff upper lip and glassy vowels: the British. They know how to do eccentricity up properly.

Eccentricity is as much a part of English culture as Early Grey tea or Yorkshire pud on a Sunday. They even devote a whole day to it. Red Nose Day is all about indulging your inner eccentric to make money for a charitable cause.

Nowadays it’s quite common to see someone with vivid pink hair, someone wearing a chartreuse tutu in the middle of WalMart or someone dressing up as a My Little Pony. But is that true eccentricity?

I don’t think so. It’s a fad. One celebrity dyes their hair pink so all their followers, fans and sycophants do likewise. Does it make them truly happy? Maybe, maybe not. Does it make them self-conscious? Probably. Is it authentic to them personally? I doubt it.

No, to be a true eccentric is to be completely comfortable in your own skin. Like I posted on Facebook yesterday, “We don’t pick our eccentricities. They pick us.” To be a true eccentric you simply follow your fascinations. Whatever makes you feel excited, peaceful…or both. That’s what you do. Most importantly, you don’t give a fig what anyone else thinks.

You may not even realize you’re an eccentric at all. You’re simply living a happy, creative life until one day someone uses the “E” word about you.

I’ve been fascinated by eccentrics since my early twenties. By the ripe old age of twenty-two, I was sick, sick, sick of the buttoned-down, laced-up, rather unkind business world. Surely, there must be something better, I thought. So, following the advice of my favorite movie You Can’t Take It With You, “Do you like what you’re doing here. Oh, good Heavens, no. Then why are you doing it?” I gave two week’s notice.

What followed was a year-and-a-half that was supposed to be devoted to “finding myself.” But the first half was more about helping dad through chemotherapy. In my spare time, I read quite a lot on many topics, including British eccentrics.

One lovely man, Gerald Tyrwhitt-Wilson aka Lord Berners dyed his pigeons vivid colors, a tradition I believe his estate carries on to this day in his honor. It didn’t hurt the pigeons (I hope!) and it made him extraordinarily happy. (My local veterinarian laughed out load when I rushed our sick bichon, Delly, to her completely forgetting I’d recently died Delly’s ears vivid rainbow colors using food coloring!)

My favorite female eccentric was an Italian fashion writer, Anna Piaggi. No one has ever carried off wearing a lampshade for a hat with more aplomb than she. Regularly dying her marceled waves a lovely turquoise, she was always decked out for a fancy dress party at all times. Such was her love of fashion. And she didn’t care what anyone thought or, for that matter, that she wasn’t conventionally beautiful. She made you think she was beautiful through your eccentric couture and vivid make-up. Anna was simply being Anna.

And last, but certainly not least, there is Jennifer Paterson (pictured above) or, as you may know her, the dark-haired lady on the wildly popular BBC cookery show, Two Fat Ladies. (No, I’m not being insensitive. That really was the name of the show!)

The great thing about eccentricity is that, while you may first develop certain traits as a means to fill an emotional void such as the need for attention or to buoy ones self-esteem, it soon becomes so authentic and ingrained that you don’t even realize you’re eccentric at all. You’re just you. The you that makes you happy. Hence my premise that eccentrics may, in some cases, be the happiest and most well-adjusted of us all.

Which leads me back to Jennifer Paterson. What grew from a need to compete with her brothers for their parents’ attention, became the Jennifer we knew and loved on the Two Fat Ladies.

She had an authentic style all her own she refused to waver from…even for the BBC! Hair dyed coal black; gold ball earrings; vivid red beestung lips (think Clara Bow), long scarlet fingernails and, to the horror of germaphobes everywhere, beautiful rings which she plunged unhesitatingly into various batters and mixtures she preferred to mix by hand. For all that glamour, her “uniform” consisted of a fisherman’s smock or “tent” as she called it with capacious pockets to hold smokes, lighter and her glass of gin, slacks and espadrilles (a kind-of canvas sneaker) in all seasons.

But all of that paled in comparison to her personality. Eyes that looked perpetually crossed and a nose-pinched-shut British voice telling you not to skimp on the cream, butter and lard with cut-glass vowels. When she wasn’t telling the most outrageous (and quite true!) stories, she was waving her arms, brandishing kitchenalia, singing and dancing with a sieve on her head like the Tin Man.

The best part of the the Two Fat Ladies: It was completely unscripted. The Jennifer on-screen was the Jennifer at home, at work and at worship…for she was a devout Roman Catholic. And a true, rather oblivious eccentric. Oblivious to her own eccentricity, I mean. Jennifer was just Jennifer.

True eccentricity is so authentic, you completely forget about yourself. Pink hair is your trademark and gives you great joy when you style it in the morning and then completely forget about it for the remainder of the day. Rather like how C. S. Lewis describes humility. To be truly humble is not even realize you’re humble. To be truly eccentric is not to realize you’re eccentric.

You’re just happy.

How many times have I been sniffing peaches in the grocery store, only to be startled by a hand on my sleeve. You see, I’ve been wearing a gold-and-black brocade-and-velvet opera coat on chilly days for the past sixteen years. To me it’s perfectly normal, but women just can’t keep their hands off it. They must touch it and I’ve had many enjoyable chats in that coat which is, apparently, eccentric to wear to the grocery store!

You might almost say that eccentricity brought my husband and me together. The man has an absolute passion for vacuum tubes. Yes, vacuum tubes. I’ve found them everywhere…his pockets, the living room, the dashboard of the car, the bathroom vanity, even the bed. He doesn’t just collect tubes, he knows how to use them too! His fascination with vacuum tubes was one of the first things he told me about himself when we met online. I was so fascinated, I wanted to learn more. So we got married.

He’s one of the calmest, happiest dare-I-say-eccentrics you’ll ever meet in your life! (And he calls me eccentric!?! He should talk! LOL But maybe that’s because of my strong mid-Atlantic accent.)

So…what are you waiting for? Yes, you! Perfectly status quo, every-hair-in-place, just stepped-out-of-the-J-C-Penny-catalog people are boring. More importantly, I bet they’re not happy either.

It’s my belief we all have a secret little eccentric inside, just itching to get out. Don’t save it for the “elf” version of yourself or the “someday” that never comes.

What have you secretly always wanted to learn, do, be, wear, speak, recite, act out, write, sing, play, paint, make, decorate, mold, build, travel, ride…the list is endless!!! Maybe you always wanted to dress like a Roma (gypsy) and live on the road. Maybe you always wanted to raise goats or, or, or, I dunno, some exotic animal. Maybe you have a secret passion for Shakespeare or Gilbert and Sullivan. Spanish guitar. The bassoon. You always dreamed of being a poet, sommelier or cheese expert.

But you were scared people would call you “weird.”

Let me tell you a secret: One of the best things about being eccentric is that it weeds out the riff-raff in one flying hurry. Those who scorn your eccentricity and use the “weird” word are those you wouldn’t want in your life anyways. (They’re just jealous!) Worked like a charm for me! The so-called friend who called me “weird” because I was busily taking apart a music box to find out how it worked is no longer my friend…and I don’t miss her one bit.

Release your inner eccentric. You’ll be happier and mentally healthier and the world will be a richer place for it!

10 Common Negative Thinking Patterns and How You Can Change Them

August 1, 2018 by Will Robins Leave a Comment

In India, when training elephants, handlers begin by chaining one of the elephant’s legs to a tree. Over time, they gradually decrease the size of the chain until all it takes is a flimsy string to hold the elephant. It’s not the string that restrains the massive animal. It’s his mind.

Your mind limits you in the same way. It can mercilessly pick apart and criticize your every move while chewing on the “evidence” ceaselessly. It can second-guess and sabotage your relationships with insecurities and emotional walls. Your mind can keep you stuck and hold you back in all areas of your life, like the elephant’s string.

But it doesn’t have to.

By recognizing your negative thinking patterns, not buying into them, and turning them around, you can put your mind to work FOR YOU instead of against you.

Your Brain’s Priority Is Your Survival Not Your Happiness

All humans have the tendency to be more like Eeyore than Tigger.

Your brain is built to remember and focus more on bad experiences than positive ones. It was actually an evolutionary advantage that helped our ancestors survive by avoiding danger This negativity bias is still active in your brain today and can get in the way of your happiness, up your stress and worry levels, and damage your brain and health.

Each of us experiences the world uniquely because our brains add their own subjective tint when giving meaning to incoming stimuli. The color your brain adds is determined by your physical brain function, memories, beliefs, and attitudes about yourself, others, and the world shaped by family, religion, school, and life experiences.

The material is largely negative because it’s your brain’s job to hold onto and learn from the bad to protect you in the future. This negative mental filter is typically below your conscious awareness, but it impacts how you respond to the world, act in relationships, and think of and talk to yourself. In other words, it creates your reality.

Your brain’s priority is always your survival, not your happiness.Click To Tweet

Negative Thinking Gets Wired Into Your Brain

Over time, through the process of neuroplasticity, habitual negative thinking patterns become physical neural traits in your brain. If you get stressed out often about every little thing, your brain is going to forge and strengthen connections making it reactive and anxious. If you expect the worst in all situations, you’re reinforcing this kind of thinking in your brain every time you engage in it.

The negative thought patterns in which you routinely engage become the default pathways for your neurons and the strings that tie you down and limit your life – just like the elephant. Eventually, you may find yourself trapped in a downward spiral of anxiety, stress, depression, which your brain is perpetuating in a continual feedback loop.

In his book, Just One Thing, Rick Hanson writes:

There’s a traditional saying that the mind takes the shape it rests upon; the modern update is that the brain takes the shape the mind rests upon. For instance, if you regularly rest your mind upon worries, self criticism, and anger, then your brain will gradually take that shape – will develop neural structures and dynamics of anxiety, low sense of worth, and prickly reactivity to others. On the other hand, if you regularly rest your mind upon, for example noticing you’re all right right now, seeing the good in yourself and letting go…then your brain will gradually take the shape of calm strength, self confidence, and inner peace.”

The Most Common Negative Thinking Traps

Some of the most common negative thinking patterns, which you may recognize and indulge in are:

Black and white thinking: “I’ can’t even do this. I never do anything right.”

Mind reading: “They think I’m boring. I know they have better things to do than hang out with me.”

Crystal-ball gazing: “There’s no point in even trying. I know I’m not going to get the job anyway.”

Over-generalization: “This relationship didn’t work out. I’m never going to meet someone.”

Disqualifying the positive: “I may be a decent mother, but anybody can do that.”

Drama queen: “My friend hasn’t replied to my text in 3 hours. She hates me. Nobody likes me.”

Unrealistic expectations: “I have to get straight As. Nothing less is good enough.”

Name calling: “I can’t believe I said that. I’m such an idiot.”

Self-blame: “The boss looks mad. It must be something I did wrong.”

Catastrophising: “Since I can’t pay this bill, my credit rating will go down the tubes and I’ll lose the house.”

How to Reverse Negative Thinking Patterns
Become Aware of Habitual Negative Thought Patterns

The first step in reversing negative thinking patterns is to become aware of them. You have to “catch” yourself in the act. You may be surprised and saddened by how often you engage in some of the types of thinking listed above. One way to do to become aware of your thoughts, feelings, and reactions as they happen, is mindfulness.

You can’t control the random thoughts that pop into your mind. However, you can become aware of them, pause, and choose what happens next.

Challenge Your Thinking

Distance yourself from and question your thoughts and beliefs. Analyze them objectively from all angles. Is this really what you think or is it an inherited belief from your past? Drop the storylines usually running in your head and any personal emotional investment you have in the situation for a minute. Try on different points of view and zoom out. Have the intent to give your mind guidance, like a wise, caring friend. Control it instead of it controlling you.

You don’t have to believe everything you think.Click To Tweet

Is the Thought Helping or Hurting?

As a continuation of the step above, I like to ask myself “Is this thought helping me or hurting me?”

Usually, the answer is “It’s hurting”. When it is, I then consciously choose a thought that is more supportive, understanding, or positive. It’s just as easy to come up with thoughts that encourage and help you achieve your goals as ones that don’t help you. You have to become aware of your thoughts, pause, and make the effort to shift your thinking.

Your brain secretes neurochemicals and physically reacts to the thoughts that run through your mind. If you are guilty of frequently telling yourself things like “They don’t like me” or “That was stupid”, how do you think that kind of thinking makes you feel? Studies show that positive self-reflection, recalling happy memories, and affirmative thoughts boost serotonin activity in your prefrontal cortex.

Decide

After examining your thoughts mindfully, consciously decide what you want to believe and think, how you want to behave, and who you want to be. Hold that image in the forefront of your mind and move forward taking the appropriate actions. Deciding isn’t a one-time thing. The priorities upon which you decide have to be considered and honored in the little choices you make every day and revisited as things change and new information becomes available.

For further guidance, here are 5 Ways to Work With Your Mind to Stop Negative Thoughts.

Conclusion

I was depressed for decades and tried to commit suicide which resulted in a serious brain injury. (Read that story here.) I had to learn the basics of living, thinking, and being again. This time around, I learned healthier, happier, kinder ways of thinking. By consciously working with and altering my thoughts, behaviors, and emotions, I transformed my world which in turn, changed my physical brain and its default mode of operation.

Today, I live a brain-healthy lifestyle incorporating mental health practices daily to maintain the balance and happiness I’ve found. I’ve made friends with my mind and have even learned to put it to work FOR me instead of AGAINST me. The difference in my life has been amazing. I like it much better this way.

You can do it too.

To not get pulled down by your mind, you’ve got to change the automatic negative thoughts playing in your head. At first, this is going to feel like trying to swim upstream, but with persistence and time, it can be done.

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